The changing face of fatherhood
When I sat down to write this piece; I realised just how broad this topic is, as Fatherhood is such an individual experience. I would like to firstly acknowledge that Fatherhood is an experience and role that is not only for men but anyone who identifies with the position. Given the breadth of the topic, I chose to write from my experience of Fatherhood.
I grew up with the tradition of storytelling in my family, I never met my Grandfather, but my Father would tell me stories of him that would exemplify sacrifice and courage. I think those kinds of ideas encapsulate the traditional role of the Father in my culture. It was a role defined by values such as providing, protecting and sacrifice. My Father remembered him as a hero and model of Fatherhood. However, the world changes quickly between my Grandfather and Father. My Father lived during a paradigm shift from a traditional culture into modernity. With modernity, he now had the choice to become more involved with child-rearing as my Mother also was able to work and contribute financially. It is essential here to acknowledge that the efforts of Women to liberate the role of Motherhood had an equally liberating potential for Men. Men were now also able to choose to step beyond the confinements of the traditional Father role. They now also had the privilege of choice about their involvement with their family and children.
I read a study recently that was looking at the brains of new Mothers. It was studying how their emotional centres grew after childbirth. Interestingly though, is that gay men who identified as the primary carer for their child had almost identical changes as birthmothers. I think this is fascinating, that men that choose to be a primary caregiver have the biological potential to adapt to the role.
Some social commentators postulate that after modernity came postmodernity, a movement characterised by scepticism towards society's grand narratives of gender, sexuality and fixed roles. The concept of the postmodern Father is much more fluid, as postmodernity comes with the invitation to advocate for all permutations of the family unit.
When my son was born, I had to contemplate what Fatherhood meant. There wasn't a fixed traditional role that I could reference. The postmodern identity of Fatherhood is much less tangible. I realised that Fatherhood is what I make of it. I could reference and integrate the traditional archetypal values of the Father, such as safety, protection, guidance and support; however, I was equally as free to incorporate many other qualities that I saw suitable. For example, I chose to work part-time until my son was three years old; this was the freedom that modern Fatherhood offered me, the privilege to be intimately involved with my child's formative years.
Some people say we are entering a new cultural paradigm shift again, this time from a postmodern into the post-postmodern. It seems a bit wordy, but in my experience of this, it is one of integrating all the previous and current permutations of the role, from the traditional to the modern era. It is to acknowledge the liberation that modernity provided to Fatherhood, while simultaneously not denigrating the traditional role. In the example of my Grandfather, this view would be interested in acknowledging that although he was traditional, he still functioned with a great pragmatism that was motivated by kindness and love.
I think this ambiguity of what Fatherhood means within the paradigm shift we are living through can cause quite a bit of confusion to new Fathers. The current definition is wide open, and we would need a vast net to capture the contemporary experience of the Father. My suggestions are that if you are a new Fatherhood, speak to someone, make sure you have strong support networks and get support. (see the links below).
Whatever the role looks like in your family is just one aspect for new Fathers, not to mention things like potential sleep deprivation, changes in partner intimacy, shifting family dynamics, a loss of social circles and a host of other changes. Parenting is a personal experience, and we live in a world where this role has so much potential and freedom. I think this is very exciting and such a privilege that we can decide for ourselves how we would like to contribute to shaping the next generation.